I’ve had group sex. I’ve had sex in a car. I’ve had sex in front of other non-participating people. I’ve watched other people have sex in front of me. I’ve had sex in public, sex outdoors, cheating sex, bondage, role-play, etc, etc. I’ve had most of the banal types of “exciting” sex that people fantasize about. Maybe it’s just me, but fantasy still trumps reality.
For me, fantasy versus reality is akin to masturbating versus having sex. Nobody will ever be able to give it to you as good as you can give it to yourself (generally speaking – there are always very special exceptions). That said, people rarely prefer masturbation over actual sex.
There’s no performance anxiety in fantasy. There’s no gravel in your butt. There’s no seatbelt clicker digging into your back. There’s no freezing cold. There’s no awkward moments negotiating positions. There’s no “Actually, I don’t like it when guys touch me there.” There’s no ‘hurry up and cum already’ roll of her eyes because you’ve both been drinking heavily leading up to this moment. There’s no weird smells. There’s no dirty underwear. There’s no giggling or breaking character. There’s no cell phone interruptions. There’s no carpet burn on your knees. The list goes on and on and on.
That’s why fantasy is fantasy. It’s a perfect situation structured in such a way to provide maximum pleasure. The most perfect exhilarating orgasm you’ve ever experienced most likely came by your own hand while fantasizing, watching a good porn movie, or reading really good erotic fiction. And that’s okay.
Go ahead. Chase your dreams. Scratch off the items on your fantasy bucket list. Fantasy is no replacement for the actual experience, but real sex does come with all the pitfalls and randomness that reality presents. So here’s my advice to you: when you find a fantasy about to come true, focus on your performance. Don’t worry too much about trying to enjoy yourself. Pleasure will come naturally, but the most important takeaway from any exciting sexual experience is the many times you’re going to masturbate in the future thinking about it. So give yourself over completely to the moment and try to make this fantasy experience not the best for yourself, but the best for everyone else involved, because that’s how you’re going to remember it – the looks on their faces, the way they moaned when they orgasmed. The fact that you’re contorted in an awkward position and your back hurts won’t really factor into the way you remember it in the future, especially when you FANTASIZE about it.